BAD BABY NAMES 19: Ding Dong!

BAD BABY NAMES 19


THE RUNNERS-UP:


Cie'rrea
No matter how hard I try, I keep reading this as "Dia'rrea."

Sanai'
What's with the apostrophe at the end? With the APOSTROPHE ABUSE never end???

Shamarko
Shamu's less-talented cousin. Now appearing at Sea World Des Moines!

Normeze
Everyone at Cheers knew not to sit at the corner bar stool; that stool was Normeze.

Boston
Sometimes you wanna go where every baby knows your name....

Emperes
Not only has the Emperor no clothes, his wife has no "s"!

Shaanpierre
:::shaking head in dismay:::

Macreedy
Wasn't this one of Cruella DeVille's henchmen?

La'tko
Little did the cabbies know, Latka had an evil twin brother...

Lawren
This CRE8IVE SPELLING should be against the law.

Isley
This baby name makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels up and SHOUT! Throw my hands up and SHOUT!

Oreon
Admit it...you see cookies when you look at this name, too.

Leslimary
Aye yi yi. I've seen some bad MERGER names...but even I flinched at this one.

Jasmynn Mae
Here's another for our REDNECK HALL OF SHAME!

K'Moni Amor
Here she comes now singing K'Moni, K'Moni!
(Today's names sure do bring back music memories...)

Shingo
"Don't even THINK about trying a different knee replacement...not when your doctor recommends SHINGO!"

Sh'nia
Vowels, people. Seriously. It can't be said often enough. VOWELS.



SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Chianti
Sure to conjure up images of drunk old Aunt Esther dancing around the house in her bathrobe and fuzzy slippers on Christmas Eve, or even worse: Hannibal Lector over a plate of fava beans...yuck. To both.



FIRST RUNNER-UP:


Dianionique
You know a BAD BABY NAMES list isn't complete without a MOUTHFUL name...and this one's a doozy. Forget what I said about vowels. CONSONANTS. You need consonants, people....



AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 19 IS....



AVON
Poor kid. For the rest of her life, any time she makes a telephone call...some wiseass is gonna yell, "Avon calling!" Truly a shame.


Feel free to comment....

"The Name Game": BAD BABY NAMES in the Tampa Tribune!

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by a Karla Jackson from the Tampa Tribune, regarding an article about (naturally) bad baby names. Ms. Jackson was great fun to talk to, and the article came out today!

Come and read it at: The Name Game: Tampa Tribune Online

And for those of you who are coming to the site for the first time, thanks to the article...welcome!

Welcome Again!

Welcome to the new BAD BABY NAMES! If you're coming here from the old blog, welcome back! And if you're new to BAD BABY NAMES, please take a moment to read the GUIDE TO THE WORLD OF BAD BABY NAMES", so you'll know how this kooky little blog works.

And don't forget to vote in our "WORST BAD BABY NAMES OF 2004" poll! Voting ends Valentine's Day, 2005!

All the posts below this one were moved here from their original spots on my other blogs, THE ZEN PRETZEL TRICK and the original BAD BABY NAMES. Everything above this post is new BAD BABY NAMES material!

Thanks for reading...and keep those BAD BABY NAMES sightings emails coming!

BAD BABY NAMES 18: Heartbreak Hotel

***Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog. If you are new to BAD BABY NAMES, please read the Disclaimer & Explanation of Categories before you dive in!



BAD BABY NAMES 18




THE RUNNERS-UP:



Emmagry
I'm not sure where they are trying to go with this. Is it supposed to be like Emma's angry, or like Imagery? The world may never know. Perhaps we're better off that way.

Kierzdyn
Every time I think I've seen every name that can be fouled up with a CRE8IVE SPELLING, I am sadly proven wrong yet again.

Tressel
Beg pardon?

Adonis
Why not just name the kid Gorgeous and be done with it?

MeiAn
This is what it sounds like....when doves cry.

Britlyn
Here's another trend that's rapidly getting on my nerves: cre8ing "new" names by tacking "lyn" or "lynn" onto the end. It's not clever, folks. It's ridiculous. But it keeps my site in business...so by all means, continue. I look forward to Peterlyn and Dorislyn. I've no doubt they're out there somewhere....

Alishba
This is why you should wait until the anasthesia wears off before dictating the birth certificate.

Qwen
No, honey....G is the letter with the tail in the middle, not on the end!

E'ryn
APOSTROPHE ABUSE and CRE8IVE SPELLING all in one. Blech. Or should I say, B'lych.

Edlawit
I'd make fun of this, but it's not funny. It's just perplexing. Sort of like staring at an albatross.

Renner
I've seen this name a few times lately. Can anyone explain its appeal? Because I'm at a loss, personally.

Angelina Jolie
There's being STAR STRUCK...and then there's just obsessed. Let's just hope THIS one doesn't have a brother.

Jaazaniah
Was that second "a" necessary? Not that it matters with this MOUTHFUL. I was just wondering.

Eu'nijah Jhunyai Nashae
Speaking of MOUTHFUL names...this one may very well be the queen.

Pryncess Amaya
Ah, another BAD combo: PSEUDO-ROYALTY and CRE8IVE SPELLING. Why? Was naming a human child "Princess" just not silly enough? I don't get it.

Chameron
My question here is: is the "ch" in this name pronounced like "change" or like "chameleon"? Is the "h" part of an elaborate---and ill-advised---CRE8IVE SPELLING, or is it a whole different name from the Scottish stand-by Cameron?

Jett
Joan would be proud.

DillOn
Sous chef! We need more DillOn the chicken!



SECOND RUNNER-UP:



Ahonesty Ny'Kirra Amirr
This is a BAD BABY NAME....Ahonesty BAD BABY NAME.
(sang to the tune of Olivia Newton-John's "I Honestly Love You")




FIRST RUNNER-UP:



Warrior James
Does anyone else recall that 80's song, "The Warrior" by Scandal? The one with the horrid chorus: "Shootin' at the walls of heartache, BANG! BANG! I am the warrior"? Anyone? Well, this name, sadly, is even worse than the song and only slightly less putrid than the video. For shame.




AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 18 IS.....



GRACELAND
Millions love Elvis. He is the King. I get it. But who is so STAR STRUCK that they would ACTUALLY name their baby after the house in which the rock n' roll legend died on his throne after one too many trips to the all-you-can-eat pigs' feet & prescription pills buffet? This is a hunka-hunka-burnin' bad name. Thank you very much.





Feel free to comment.....

BAD BABY NAMES 17: Checkmate!

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog).

BAD BABY NAMES 17


THE RUNNERS-UP:


Noble
'Tis a Noble baby we give birth to today.....

Barkley
Isn't that the name of the dog on Sesame Street?

Rinzey
Lather, Rinzey, Repeat.

Rayven
I think I'm going to have to add yet another BAD BABY NAMES category to the list: Baby Goths.

Tucker
A baby and his dream....

Glenver
For the Denver fan who likes a little Scotch with his game....

IaJoncia
My, my, my. I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Costen
We was a-gonna have anoder baybee, but it was a-Costen us so much!

Ja'cari
Warning: this name contains a moderate level of APOSTROPHE ABUSE. Caution is advised.

Shaylalynn
I haven't stopped laughing at this one in minutes. This has got to be, hands down, the best REDNECK HALL OF SHAME name I've seen yet!

Creston
For white, healthy baby teeth and gums.

Jubal
We knew he'd be our last, since I had that Jubal.

Amaureion
This looks like the name of a Spanish cathedral.

Fox
That baby was as sly as....well, you know.

Xa'Viance
:::shaking head:::

Lliam
And his pet Llama.

Jexa
Jexa a few more questions....

Laylonnie
Shaylalynn's best friend?

Royal
Does this count as a PSEUDO-ROYALTY name, I wonder???

Aabe
Mom wanted to make sure, absolutely sure, her son was always first in line!

EmilyJo
EmilyJo, have you seen Shaylalynn and Laylonnie abouts?

Amythyst
And her sister, Zirconia.

Appollonia
I was laughing at Shaylalynn...but I am now ROLLING over this one! Purple Rain, anyone?

Emasia
We were Emasia'd that anyone chose this name.

Liberty
So if she marries a fine English gentleman, she could be Lady Liberty!

Cerenity
Oh, dear. It's happened again.

Zaynub
This one sounds like something Mork from Ork would eat.

Dapio DeLeo
I'm beyond words here.

O'Jai
If the bootie doesn't fit, you must acquit!




SECOND RUNNER-UP:



Serenadi
I wonder if this baby is related to little Symphoni from a few lists back?



FIRST RUNNER-UP:


Blazer
If you're going to go with an automobile STATUS SYMBOL name...at least make it a COOL car.



AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 17 IS....


BISHOP
Checkmate!




Feel free to commment......

BAD BABY NAMES 16: Call In the Troops!

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 15



THE RUNNERS-UP:



Cedar

No doubt little Cedar was welcomed home by brothers Oak and Walnut.

Shamyla

Shamyla Lamma Ding Dong!

DaRick

Bring in DaBaby, Call him DaRick!

Reasure

What exactly are they trying to Reasure themselves of? Food for thought.

Nalanie

Now, Melanie is not one of my favorite names, but it's also not a BAD BABY NAME in and of itself. You turn it into the CRE8IVE SPELLING above...and it sounds more like an over-the-counter remedy for sea-sickness than an infant. I wonder if Nalanie is more effective than Dramamine? Enquiring minds want to know.

Mi'Angel

Is it just me, or does this name strike you as a Cockney compliment gone horribly, horribly awry?

Kay Lee Ann

The Feng-Shui method of baby naming: make sure all your names are symmetrical for true harmony.....

Mar'Kieauna

Huh?

Ti-Leigh'yah

Warning: this name contains an serious APOSTROPHE ABUSE! Charges have been filed with the local precinct.

Ty Woine

How, exactly, is "Woine" pronounced? Is it like "wahn," or like "wayne"? The world may never know.

Aarien Coates

And his sister, Ddarlene Jackets.

December

What really tickled me about this name, was that the baby in question was actually born in November.....

Nautia

So, Santa, has baby been Nautia or nice?

Shiloh

I once took a trip to Oklahoma City, and stayed in a Shiloh Inns. I wasn't moved, apparently, as the parents of this child was. Pehraps they got more than two tiny little soaps?

Maclane

But what was he named in his former lives?

Klowi

YIKES, is this a BAD CRE8IVE SPELLING! I mean, some CRE8IVE SPELLINGS just look as if the parents were trying a wee bit too hard to be different. And others, like Klowi here, just look as if the parent actually hated the name and was trying everything in his or her power to utterly destroy it for anyone else who might ever think to use it. In this case, I believe they might have succeeded. Jerks.

Zima

Zippy Zowie!

Sunshine

Sunshine is probably the most shining (love that pun) example of a TIME WARP name ever. After all, wasn't that the name of the naked baby rolling about in the mud in the "Woodstock" movie?

Scotlynn

They had to choose between this and Irelynn.

Quamell

I keep picturing a cartoon character, maybe an evil genius on Dexter's Laboratory? No, that's Mandark.

Alexyss

This is one bad CRE8IVE SPELLING.

Kennison

OK, here's a STAR STRUCK name I haven't seen before! Oh, oh, OOOOOHHHHH!

Stormy

It was a dark and Stormy birth...

Lennon

Imagine there are no BAD BABY NAMES, it's easy if you try....

Ja'genevia

I wonder if BAD BABY NAMES are covered under the Ja'genevia Conventions....



SECOND RUNNER-UP:



D'aSiyahna R'yaire

WOW.



FIRST RUNNER-UP:


King Rickey

And his wife, Queen Patsey!



AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 16 IS.....


KALVARY

So much better than Infantri, don't you think?



Feel free to comment....

BAD BABY NAMES 15: And remember, have your pets spayed or neutered!

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog).

BAD BABY NAMES 15

THE RUNNERS-UP:

Kennedhi
As opposed to Kennedbye.

Shechania
Does anyone else hear that "Cha-ching!" guy from the Rally's commercials way-back-when?

D'Jon
Pardon me, but do you have any overpriced BAD BABY NAMED mustard???

Omolola
Well, it's not Omarosa, so it could be worse.

Kei'Lei
Is this supposed to sound like "Kelly" or like "Kay Lay"?

Khanh
(In my best Captain Kirk voice....)
KHANH!

Edyn
I knew, eventually, I would find a CRE8IVE SPELLING for all of my kids' names, and finally, it's happened

Remington
I'm guessing this baby has a close, clean shave

StarrShyia
YIKES.

Dayton
Look, man...I've lived in Dayton, Ohio. This is NOT a place you want to name your kid after.

Aspen
I can understand Aspen more than I can Dayton, but any name that begins with the sound "ass" is probably not the best of ideas

ta'Veann
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times....names are proper nouns, and proper nouns BEGIN with capital letters!!!!!

Kaplan
As in Gabe?

Iaexavier
Look, guys....Xavier is a nice name. Why all these CRE8IVE SPELLINGS messing it up?

Nakhi'ya Enri
The APOSTROPHE ABUSE aside....isn't Henri a boy's name? Is Enri pronounced the same way?

Da'Quealyn
Try as I might, I can't help but think "Dairy Queen" every time I see this name.

Shirlene
Wow...this is one helluva REDNECK HALL OF SHAME name!

Q'ndell
APOSTROPHE ABUSE and CRE8IVE SPELLING all in one terrible, terrible name.

Clannesha
This is a great SCI-FI SYNDROME name....it sounds like the name of a the leader of some alien tribe: "I am the Great Clannesha of the Planet Vortron!"

Kendyll'Capri
I think I have a headache now.

Sabrieah
I think this might be a MERGER name. A combo of Sabrina and Leigh, maybe? Who knows.

Parriss
This is what happens when historical names develop a lisp.

Ken'yel
Ken'yel for your brother, it's suppertime!

Alayzhiona
It just isn't a BAD BABY NAMES list, without a MOUTHFUL name!



SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Bridges
As in Lloyd, or London?


FIRST RUNNER-UP:

Ezq
Come again?



AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 15 IS.......


PRICE
Bob Barker would be proud!



Feel free to comment.....

TAKE THE POLL! Extended until Valentine's Day! VOTE NOW!

Yes, folks, it is now time to vote for the worst names of 2004....the names that made you laugh...the names that made you cry...and the names you wish you could forget! Vote for first, second and third place winners, as well as the worst of the MOUTHFUL, CRE8IVE SPELLINGS, APOSTROPHE ABUSE & REDNECK HALL OF SHAME names! And as a special bonus: you can also vote for the worst celebrity BAD BABY NAMES!


The "winners," as chosen by you, the BAD BABY NAMES readers, will be posted here on the blog by New Year's Eve. Any entry of BAD BABY NAMES from 11/29/04 to 12/31/04 is not elligable for the vote and will be put on next year's poll.



****IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to unexpected (and happily accepted) media interest in the BAD BABY NAMES POLL....and the arrival of the new BAD BABY NAMES blog...I have chosen to extend the contest until Valentine's Day 2005! So it's not too late to vote, everyone...get in your vote now!****


***It's easy to vote, just click here:***
Bad Baby Names 2004!


To see the current results without voting, click here:
Results: Bad Baby Names 2004!


And to participate in the Mister Poll: Bad Baby Names 2004! Message Area, click here:
Message Area



If you have any questions or problems with the poll, feel free to email me or leave a comment!



Vote as often as you like for your favorite BAD BABY NAMES!




Thanks to the folks at Mister Poll, and at Celebrity Baby Blog, for the celebrity BAD BABY NAMES.

BAD BABY NAMES 14: Is Your Baby Gassy?

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 14


THE RUNNERS-UP:

Nova

Tonight, on PBS...

Syri'yah

Just a thought, but isn't naming a child after a terrorist-harboring nation a bit of a no-no in today's political climate? Will baby #2 be named Libby'yah?

Gallatin

I think I took this once for constapation. I think I need to take it again after seeing it used as a baby name.

O'Merion

Let's hope he at least gets the LUCK of the Irish....

Roosavelt

Speak softly, and carry a BAD BABY NAME!

Be'aJa JaShawn

MOUTHFUL, CRE8VE SPELLING, APOSTROPHE ABUSE...this awful name has it all.

De'Tron

This is a pure SCI-FI SYNDROME name at work! "Hurry! Into the De'Tron machine! We haven't much time!"

Audaisha

This sounds like a hearing aid: "Never miss another conversation with the amazing Audaisha 5000!"

Zreena

I'm dumbstruck. Just as these dumb parents should be struck....hard.

Danavious

This is another naming trend that I am helpless to explain: made-up sounding names that have the appearance of adjectives. Can anyone explain the appeal of this? 'Cause I'm at a loss, folks, I really am.

Heavenly

Watch this kid be a brat. You just know it.

Lakota

OK, this is a big BAD BABY NAME pet peeve for me. I'm Native American. People will ask me, on a fairly regular basis, for NA names for their babies. When I give them names like Tallulah and Anika, they get confused and say, "No, we meant like Cheyenne or Dakota!" Those aren't NA baby names. Those are NA Tribal names. There is a difference, people. And if your baby is Dutch/Irish, he/she is going to look pretty silly with a name like Lakota. But hey, to each their own....

TimBreya

Isn't Tim usually a boy's name? And what's a Breya?

Paytyn

Will we never be free from these unwarranted ATTACKS OF THE Y's???

R'Son

The ATTACKS just keep coming! Please, won't somebody call a cease-fire?

Jacquit

If the BAD BABY NAME fits, you must Jacquit.

Pual

This isn't a CRE8IVE SPELLING....this is a travesty.

Freedom

"You got to give what you take!"

(in my best George Michael voice)

Nylen

Wasn't this Rose's last name on "The Golden Girls"?

Carver

And I thought Cutter was a bad name!

Divinity

Isn't this the candy Lucy and Linus are always fighting over in the PEANUTS comic strip?

Karenjat-Nyah

That is quite a MOUTHFUL.

Honesty

Oh, honestly!

Skot

Are these people related to Pual, by any chance?

Duke

This is a terrific example of a PET NAME. People, if you want a dog, buy a dog. Don't do this to a helpless baby.

Terryion

If you want a dog, buy a dog....!


SECOND RUNNER-UP:

Marenity

Um...I think this mom was a tad bit confused. It was the MATERNITY ward you gave birth in, ma'am....


FIRST RUNNER-UP:

K'Le

I keep wondering: is this pronounced like "Kaylee" or like "Kelly"? The world may never know.


AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 14 IS.....


DIEZEL
Fill 'er up......


Feel free to comment.....

BAD BABY NAMES 13: Down At the BBN Corral...

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 12


THE RUNNERS-UP:


Fayth

Gotta, gotta, gotta have Fayth.

(in my best George Michael voice)

P.C.

The parents didn't want to offend anyone.

Shanamarie

Here's one for the REDNECK HALL OF SHAME!

Pose

Strike a Pose!

I'Zeyonna

What do the "I" and the APOSTROPHE ABUSE add to this name? Anyone?

Sei'Jearr

There's simply not words for my dismay.

Gibson

As opposed to Ibanez?

Campbell

Mmm, Mmm....not good.

Riston

Is it just me, or does this sound like a car part? "Can I have an estimate on those two broken Ristons?"

Jaxyn

Some names fall victim to the unfortunate CRE8IVE SPELLING craze more than others. Take Jackson, for example. Or Jaxyn. Or Jacsin. Or Jackyn.

Au'Veonna

Au'Veonna! Oh, don't you cry for me! I'm off to Lousiana, takin' your BAD BABY NAME with me!

Mansir

Little brother to Dexter's nemesis, Mandark.

Key-Asia

The lesser known, unpopular subcontinent.

Jadahlynn

Yikes! MOUTHFUL alert!

Keylee

I think Keylee should hook up with Key-Asia and go shopping for Keewees.

Tybalt

Dad worked 16 hours a day, mining for Tybalt.

Shorna

You 'unt somethin' from the 7-11? Nah? You Shorna?

Leelasha

What a day for REDNECK HALL OF SHAME names!

Aymodie

This sounds like one of those herbal diet supplements: "With Aymodie Seven, you never have to feel bloated and fat again!"

Cae'zar

Ceasar, and its many CRE8IVE SPELLINGS, is quickly de-throning Princess as this year's trendy PSEUDO-ROYALTY name. Someone, bring me a small lyre!

Cam'Ron

I saw this BAD BABY NAME, and my heart stood still, Cam'Ron Ron Ron Ron, Cam'Ron Ron Ron!

Mercaydez

WOW.

Robreal

As opposed to Robfake.

Deyounce

Isn't this what Rabbit gave Tigger to make him stop bouncing?

Lexandra

Because the letter "A" was so extraneous....

Bambi

A shoo-in for the Future Exotic Dancers of America.


SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Emmagine
I'm pretty sure John Lennon didn't Emmagine this....

FIRST RUNNER-UP:


Kodiak

I can bear-ly stand it.....


AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 13 IS.....


JESSIE JAMES

This is either a HERO COMPLEX or a LOSER COMPLEX name, depending on your perspective. In any event, it's a baby name no-no. I wonder what their next child will be named: Al Capone or John Gotti? Decisions, decisions, decisions......


Feel free to comment....

BAD BABY NAMES 12: We're All Individuals

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 12




THE RUNNERS-UP:




Clemmye

Oh, my darlin'....

Alexisa

Look, people: if you like Alexis, USE Alexis. This CRE8IVE nonsense has gone too far....

Marcash

He'd buy the Ferrari, but he needed Marcash.

Justice

...and BAD BABY NAMES for all.

Tezzion

This sounds like a bad German heavy metal band. "Hello, Cleveland! Ve're Tezzion! Are vou ready to rock und roll?"

Lexe

Not many people knew that Lex Luther had a twin sister, because unlike her evil brother, she preferred reading about evil to actually particpating in it....

Oceananna

Her room is so messy, I can't even find the Oceananna floor!

Ma'Kye

Listen closely as we hear the mating call of the elusive BAD BABY NAMES bird in its natural APOSTROPHE ABUSE habitat....

Syntoria

For those who don't think the name Victoria is goth enough.

Loriabelle

Ah, another REDNECK HALL OF SHAME name! Will the madness never end?

Bryyce

Ah! An ATTACK OF THE Y's! Save yourself!

Joimoni

Is this two syllables or three?

Zeik

He's very cheic.

Malaysia

I can almost (note: ALMOST) understand naming a child after a nice city or country. One where the parents perhaps honeymooned, or conceived the child. But Malaysia?

Emalei

Note to expectant mothers: becoming CRE8IVE with a name doesn't mean you've avoided using a super-trendy moniker. It just makes said super-trendy name look ridiculous. Hope that helps.

Lawson

"Why am I being arrested?"

"Because you broke the Lawson!"

Kauhner

This is just awful. Painful, even.

MeriJayn

I think perhaps someone was smoking a bit too much MeriJayn before signing the birth certificate.

Dimind

Dimind is a Dimwit kind of name.

Ariion

Why have only two vowels in a name when you can have three?

ka'More

I'm getting the strange feeling lately that many new moms skipped the class in basic English when one is generally taught that proper names BEGIN with a capital letter.

Day'quandray

What a MOUTHFUL!

Coy

And his sisters, Shy and Bashful.

Ja/shawn

If you thought APOSTROPHE ABUSE was bad, behold the horrors of DASH ABUSE!!!




SECOND RUNNER-UP:




McKendrianna

My thanks to BAD BABY NAMES reader DramaQueen for finding this stinkburger, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that McDonald's evil plan to take over the world by BABY Mc ATTACK Names is near completion....



FIRST RUNNER-UP:



Ice Key
As opposed to Fire Key or Earth Key?


AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 12 IS.....




Oym'unique
MOUTHFUL and CRE8IVE SPELLING with just a dash of APOSTROPHE ABUSE, this name is our clear winner! Or loser. Depending on how you look at it.



Feel free to comment....

BAD BABY NAMES 11: Because "Messiah" Sounded Stuffy...

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 11



THE RUNNERS-UP:



Dyneajah

Nothing like a MOUTHFUL name to get us started....

Precious

I can just hear Gollum now, can't you?

Anne'Aurora

Here's one for the REDNECK HALL OF SHAME..."Anne'Aurora, will you go git younder an' tell Pa t'git them dogs out offa t'porch? Ma wants to take a bath!"

Ajalon

Ah, another bad case of SCI-FI SYNDROME. "Captain...approaching Ajalon IV! Shields up!"

Leashansky

I can't tell if this person is destined to be an accountant or to sell worchester sauce. One of the two.

Ra'oof

Hint: don't choose a name based on something cool Scooby-Doo once said....

Tsedenia

I keep picturing those cheesy $1.99 framed maiden-on-a-unicorn posters you can buy at quality dollar stores nationwide.

Tydasza

Tydasza car need some gas? Tydasza need a note to get out of gym? Tydasza need directions to the legal name-change forms?

Nasya

Nasty-ya.

Laylaa

What happens when you mix Clapton and a sheep? Laylaa.

Synkyia

Take cover! It's an ATTACK OF THE Y's, with backup from the MOUTHFUL brigade!!!!

Stafford

A classic example of a CAVIER name. You can just picture little Stafford in his Polo shirt at the country club now, can't you?

Stargell

I don't know what to say about this. Mercy.

I'jaaz

I'jaaz, U'jaaz, we all jaaz!

Sa'naa

After a workout, I just love lounging in the Sa'naa.

Akil

"Meeting you, was a view to Akil...."

(in my best Duran Duran voice)

Dublin

I'm going to have to create a new BAD BABY NAMES category for all this city names that are cropping up everywhere...

Javier Ramse's

So the posessive form of this would be Javier Ramse's's?

Shaolin

It's a Shaolin Showdown! Or Shaolin Soccer? Oh, who am I kidding. No one but me saw that movie....!

Aalaiza

Pa, why iz our sisa such Aalaiza brat?

Cameo

Word up!

Trista-Lynn

This is quite the day for REDNECK HALL OF SHAME names!

Sesar

This unfortunate moniker is a cross between a PSEUDO-ROYALTY name and a bad, bad CRE8IVE SPELLING. I can't help but wonder if little Sesar was born by Sesarian section....

Jovanny

This is another OBJECTS OF DISAFFECTION trend I've noticed lately...naming your child after perfume or cologne. I just know, any day now, I'll stumble across Drakar Noir....

Lazerine

And his sister, Listerine.

Xayla

I take it back: Laylaa is not so bad after all.

Emogene

As if Imogene weren't bad enough, let's make it CRE8IVE! Yikes.




SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Pandora

This is a great example of a LOSER COMPLEX name. I mean, don't all girls want to be named after the mythological character who brings all suffering into the world?



FIRST RUNNER-UP:



Tazyr

What, was there already a little Uzi in the family???




AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 11 IS....



Saviour
Oh...my....goodness.




Feel free to comment....

BAD BABY NAMES 10: Cosmic Blunder

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 10



THE RUNNERS-UP:


Mysse-shekeyla

Sometimes naming babies is hit or Mysse.....


Na'Netra Bianca

:::shaking head:::


Tre'Sor

Like, wow! After that hard workout, I am Tre'Sor!


Brazzie

What the hell is Brazzie?!?!?!?!?


Promise

Because Swear could be misconstrued....


Starlet

Because Harlet could be misconstrued....


Briajah'na

This is quite the MOUTHFUL! I can't figure out how to say this name....a lobotomy might help. Maybe.


El'Mega

Next up on Mucha Lucha! Ricochet vs. El'Mega!


Princess Shanasia

Princess seems to be the trendy PSEUDO-ROYALTY name this year. Which is a royal shame.


Astraca

Forget Brazzie....what the hell is an Astraca? Sounds like a proctology device.


Aydyn

We as a great nation are falling victim to the wanton ATTACK OF THE Y's. And it has struck again, rendering the trendy and rather nice Aidan into this horrifying disaster! Can't anyone help! The children, the children! Will someone think of the children!


Mandy-Lynn
At the hoe-down, Bubba's a-gonna play his gee-tar and I'm a-gonna play my Mandy-Lynn....

Kelby

I'm wondering if this is another MERGER name. Perhaps the parents are Kirby and Shelby?


Ichabod

Talk about giving a kid a complex! At least, he'll always be popular at Halloween....


Nevaeh Jaijai

A message to all expectant mothers: please, for the love of all that is decent and sacred, AVOID THE NAME NEVAEH. It is not cute. It is not witty or clever. It's HORRID. And Jaijai sounds like the name of a toy poodle. This is just a bad, bad name.


Deorge
Uh, gee, Deorge! When we get to the farm we can have lots and lots of rabbits....

Lindy
"I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high...."

Milan
Well, it's better than Paris, which now has that unfortuante Hilton sister connotation.

Nevada Rose
Is it just me, or does this sound like a brothel outside of Vegas?

Braxton
I've been seeing this one quite often lately, and I don't get the appeal. Is it a STAR STRUCK name (Toni Braxton)? Or is it some sort of OBJECT OF DISAFFECTION name (Braxton-Hicks contractions drove ol' mom nuts)? I don't get it.

Auyumn-Rain
Auyumn-Rain, here me roar!

Ridge
This one has me perplexed. What is attractive about a ridge? All I can think of is mountains or potato chips. Am I missing something?



SECOND RUNNER-UP:



Sultan David
Just when I thought I had seen all the PSEUDO-ROYALTY names out there, along comes Sultan David. I wonder if he'll someday name a daughter Jasmine....


FIRST RUNNER-UP:



Priest Soulja
It's not just that Priest is a bad, terrible, truly awful HERO COMPLEX name. And it's not just that Soulja is ridiculous in the extreme. It's when you put them together....it begs you to finish "Priest Soulja soul to the devil, did he?"



AND THE WINNER FOR BAD BABY NAMES 10 IS.....



A'Risin Starr
OK, we're going to stop laughing at this name. Any minute now. Really, we are. I mean it.

I need some air.



Feel free to leave comments....

BAD BABY NAMES 9: Past, Present and...

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)

BAD BABY NAMES 9


THE RUNNERS-UP:


Treyviontae

No better way to start off BBN 9 than with such a MOUTHFUL!

Daija'na

I keep wondering if this is just a CRE8IVE SPELLING of Diana (with the "j" silent), or if it's day-jah-nah. Either way...blech.

Wyllyam

This is not only a bad, bad CRE8IVE SPELLING, but a great example of why an ATTACK OF THE Y's should be stopped---immediately---by the United Nations as a crime against humanity.

Beautiful

A Christina Aguillera fan, I assume? I guess we should just be grateful she didn't name the baby "Xtina."

Kinga Katalin

Kinga was the little-seen, workaholic husband of Kanga and absent father of Roo....

Norry

Is there any gas in me lorry, Norry?


Diamond

She could be just awful to the boys in her class, but Diamond is a girl's best friend.

Rodeya

I suddenly feel like shopping....

Yaz-Mare

There is just no excuse for this, people. None whatsoever.

Emerald

Whatever happened to Pearl, Opal and Jade? They've been commandered by Diamond, Emerald and Amythest. I guess you can say the STATUS SYMBOL parents are moving up in the gem world.

Montoya

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

Totiyonna Meoshia LaNiece

She was welcomed home by her brother, Geeohvynnee Jaycuub DaNephew.

Quawntavious Ra'shun De'mone

Oh, no! Not again! Where in America are these people that think DEMON is a good name for a baby?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Sailor

He's Sailor the baby man, he eats all the milk he can, he's full of anger and emotion, 'cause he hates the ocean, he's Sailor the baby man!

Jaiquarius

Let me guess: when he was born, the moon was in the seventh house....

Timber

He's a lumberjack, and he's ok!

Bentley Neal

Well, at least it's not Chevelle.

Ace

This is the kind of BAD BABY NAME that makes you wonder what, exactly, was in the parent's minds (and why they didn't spend the previous nine months finding a better name). Are they KISS fans? Like to play poker a bit too much? Own a hardware store? What is it?

Kasandraly

This sounds more like a small island off the coast of Greece than a baby name.

Jahzarah

Jah mon, like, we's so happy t'be welcoming home de baby, mon!

Andzelika

I want to scream and claw my eyes out right now. I really, really do.

Dynacty Geneva Stowe

And I thought last entry's Dynasty was bad! At least it was spelled correctly.

Cyndi-Beth

Here's a great one for the REDNECK HALL OF SHAME! I just wonder if her last name is Who.....

Torie

And her brother, Limey.

Zoee

This is, quite possibly, even more annoying than an ATTACK OF THE Y's.

Dy'mere

What a fine lady she was, so polite and Dy'mere.....

Da'nyelle

Oh, come on. You people aren't even trying anymore.



SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Ransom
OK, I got quite a laugh wondering what the baby announcements looked like....did they do the whole ransom note thing? Did they look like the cover of a Sex Pistols album? I need some air.


FIRST RUNNER-UP:


Reeses
We all wondered what happened to the love child of Drew Barrymore and E.T., well, wonder no more.....


AND THE WINNER FOR BAD BABY NAMES 9 IS....


Future
Yes, I know the children are our future. But you're not supposed to take that LITERALLY!


Feel free to leave comments.....