Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
BAD BABY NAMES 34: Baby Power!
Aryona Pebbles Zia
Can you imagine growing up with the name of a breakfast cereal? I can just imagine her siblings: Aryanna Chex Zoe and Aryun Cocoapuffs Zach.
(thanks to Zusia for this one!)
Just when I think the BABY MAC ATTACK names can't get any worse...they start up with the APOSTROPHE ABUSE! Too much, too much....
I'm not so wild about Heiry.
Please tell me her middle name isn't "Las Vegas"....
Yes, folks, it IS possible to overdose on the letter "E."
Why not call him "little piggy" and be done with it?
Ah, a REDNECK HALL OF SHAME name! For those cre8ive hillbillies out there.
Ah, the ultimate BABY GOTH name!
This could very well be the Pinnacle of bad baby names.
Wow! What a MOUTHFUL!
I don't even know where to begin...
Yet another REDNECK HALL OF SHAME name! Can we be so lucky? Why, yes! We are!
And now the CR8IVE SPELLINGS want to merge with APOSTROPHE ABUSE. Have mercy!
This is truly, truly horrid.
Can anyone tell me what the point is behind capitalizing that last "A"? Anybody?
Hunter Grey Wolf
But what if he only wants to hunt brown elk?
Chanze'es are, this is a bad baby name, Chanze'es are it will make the year-end poll...
Aye yi yi.
Iron David Carter
He coulda been a contendah...
AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 34 IS....
This poor kid's gonna go through hell when he's a teenager. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Maddox! Teenage Mutant Ninja Maddox!"
Feel free to comment.....
Thursday, December 22, 2005
BAD BABY NAMES! Fan Mail #18
I've been enjoying your blog for a while, but up until now I never had
anything to send in (fortunately, I might add).
My brother is still in elementary school and he brought a little booklet
that they distribute among students, something much like a school paper. It
had students' names in it. Some of them are remarkable (I'd never heard of
Skirmante, but apparently, it's not all that uncommon. Also, in this day and
age, what non-UK resident names his kid Nigel?).
However, one of them stuck out like a rusty nail. Apparently, one of the
kids at my brother's school is called Eddyllio.
I had to check three times if I spelled that correctly. Perhaps his parents
couldn't choose beween 'Eddy' and 'Idylle'.
I'm from Holland, so there are a lot of names in the paper that won't make
sense to you, but this one stuck out. I don't think Eddyllio is normal in
any language on earth, if only because you get zero result when googling it.
You can sign my name as Meike, and before anyone tries to ridicule that I'd
like to state that Meike is a perfectly normal name in The Netherlands. ;-)
That is a stumper of a name, isn't it? Wow. I'm still in awe of it.
Thanks for reading!
BAD BABY NAMES! Fan Mail #17
They're not babies anymore, but a couple I know has had a bit of a
hit-and-a-miss with names ending in -leen. Their oldest girl is Kathleen,
which is great, but the second daughter is Shaeleen (pronounced Shay-leen),
which always struck me as a Redneck Hall of Shamer. They broke the -leen
trend with their youngest daughter, Jaycee.
Also, my grandmother once told me she went to school with a girl called
Cherry Blossom. I insisted that this could not be true, so she
pulled out her yearbook and showed me Cherry Blossom's picture and
I always enjoy reading Bad Baby Names! Feel free to put this in the blog if
you want to.
Consider it done!
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
New & Improved! GUIDE TO BAD BABY NAMES
A GUIDE TO BAD BABY NAMES!
How This Baby Name Blog Was Born
I've always been fascinated by baby names. For years, I've posted on a message board for baby naming...and often, the names that people chose or heard of were just plain AWFUL. I began posting some of the worst ones on my other blog, The Zen Pretzel Trick, and soon found that there were so many bad names...they deserved a blog of their own! And voila...BAD BABY NAMES was born.
There are tons of great baby names out there. But let's face it: there are some names that make you wonder, "What on Earth were those parents THINKING?!?!?!?" This blog is devoted to those names. The cre8ively spelled. The awful combinations. The just plain ridiculous. They all have a place here.
A Disclaimer: PLEASE READ
All babies are precious, beautiful and gifts from God. My entries here in no way reflect on the actual child themselves...only on the names. All babies are gorgeous, all deserving of love and all created equal...all baby names, however, are not. These names are bad by my opinion only---feel free to agree or disagree. Bad baby names are often in the eye of the beholder!
How The Blog Works
For each entry, there are several runner-up, and then a third, second and first-place winner. Boys names are in blue, girls are in purple (I tried pink, but it's just too faint to be easily read).
All BAD BABY NAMES are verified baby names from the past twelve months before the date of publication. All names are taken from webnursery sites and newspapers from the US and Canada.
Most BAD BABY NAMES can be broken down into one of the following categories, which you'll see me refer to often. Here they are:
Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's more than one...but whatever the number, the abuse must be stopped!
ATTACK OF THE Y'S
This is when a name, for no apparent reason, is overrun by the letter "y."
If Marilyn Manson ever procreates...he'll probably use a Baby Goth name. Raven, Morticia, Shadow and Blaze are all examples of Baby Goth names.
BABY MAC ATTACK
These are variations of the now ultra-trendy Mac/Mc/Mic names you see everywhere: McConnllly, Mackayleigha, Maceenuh...all are Baby Mac Attack names.
When a good name is ruined by a horrid, horrid spelling. Or a bad name made even worse!
FIRST IN LINE
Some parents were apparently traumatized in school by never being first in line, always standing behind an Aaron or Aaliyah. To ensure their child never suffers likewise, they choose a name that begins with A...and add an extra "a" to it.
Flower Child names bring to mind the 60's: free love, peace signs and too much LSD.
These are names that belong on an atlas or road map...not a birth certificate.
HERO COMPLEX/LOSER COMPLEX
These are names that give a child too much to live up to...or not enough. Hero Complex names are often those of gods or geniuses. Loser complex names are often those of historical or fictional bad guys.
A merger name is when the parents attempt to combine their names (or names of family members, friends, pets, whatever) to make a new name for the baby. This can go well---but sometimes, ends in disaster.
These are names that are either impossible to pronounce, or simply so long that they look more like third-year med school vocabulary words than baby names.
OBJECTS OF DISAFFECTION
Many nouns have been used as good baby names over the years: Rose, Pearl, that sort of thing. OOD are words that should never, ever be used as a baby name: Banjo, Turkey and Peanut come to mind (and yes...those are actual baby names).
These are names that are, in actuality, titles; Prince Michael Jackson is a Pseudo-Royalty name.
REDNECK HALL OF SHAME
These are names that invoke images of Brandine and Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel from "The Simpsons." If it sounds like a name Elly Mae Clampett might have used, it belongs in the Hall of Shame.
These aren't so much names, as they are supervillians or extra-terrestial diseases.
Star struck names generally fall into two sub-categories: actual names of celebrities (Usher, Jolie, Kanye), or BAD BABY NAMES the celebrities have used for their own babies (Apple, Magnus, Dweezil).
These are names that scream "BLING BLING"! Cadillac, Diamond and Tiara are all good examples.
***Of course, there will always be names that don't quite fit into any of these categories...they are just plain awful all on their own.
Fan Mail entries are submitted by you, the reader. Unlike the typical BAD BABY NAMES post, Fan Mail names do not have to be verified, or from babies born in the past year. They do, however, have to be people you have actually known---no urban legends, please. Neighbors, schoolmates, children of friends and family...all can be submitted to me as a Fan Mail post.
To submit: please email me at Pendragon525@aol.com with the words "Fan Mail" in the subject line. Tell me the name and where you heard it (the more detail, the better). Also let me know how you'd like me to sign your name: I will use first, first & last, initials or "anonymous." All Fan Mail entries become the exclusive property of Bad Baby Names! and Zen Angel.
FREQUENT QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
How do you find all these baby names?
I find them on various webnursery and hospital pages: these will post the names of the babies. I also find them in newspaper birth announcements, both online and in print. Readers will also sumbit names; if I can verify them, I use them.
Why don't you post the middle names?
Often, the middle name is not published on the webpages or the paper. When it is, I post it.
Why don't you post the last names, or the name of the hospital?
I don't post these to protect the privacy of the families. I considered posting the states, but it met with disapproval from readers, so I scrapped the idea.
What states have the worst names?
Believe it or not, I find most of the worst names in four states: California, Alabama, Colorado and Ohio.
How do I submit a bad baby name?
Email me at Pendragon525@aol.com. If it is the name of a baby from the past year AND you can provide verification (a link to an online site or a scan of a newspaper), email it to me with the subject heading "bad baby name." If the baby in question is older than a year, or you cannot verify the name, send it to me under the subject heading "fan mail."
I emailed you days ago with a bad baby name. I haven't heard back from you and it hasn't been published. What gives?
I recieve a large volume of emails for this blog. I do try to answer them all in short order. Please, be patient. Also, there is a chance that the name you submitted has either already been on the blog, isn't really a "bad" name per se or is inappropriate to publish.
What do you mean, "inappropriate"?
Unfortunately, from time to time I get an email with bad baby names that is either a proven Urban Legend (I won't post about those infamous Orangejello twins, folks) or is racist in nature. While I will make fun of any and all names from any and all ethnic backgrounds...racist content will not be printed, nor will I respond to it. So don't bother sending me any.
When can I vote in the year-end poll?
I post the poll in late December, and the results on Valentine's Day. Keep your eyes out for the links, so you can vote!
Hey, my baby's name is on the site! I didn't give you permission to print it!
I get these sorts of emails quite often, and I find the senders fit into one of two categories: A) I have published a name which they have used for their children, or B) I have published a unique name that is definately the one they gave to their baby in the last year. To both I say: I don't actually need your permission to print the names, so long as I do not give identifying information such as your last name, the parents' names, the hometown or the hospital. Once you put that name out for publication in a newspaper or on a website, it's fair game to me and anyone else. Also, please keep in mind that this site is for humor purposes only. It's not meant to be taken personally, and I'll bet if you take a moment to go through the archives, you'll find more than one name that causes you to shake your head or burst out laughing. I have no doubt that your baby is absolutely beautiful, and if you are happy with the name, why should you care what I think of it? Enjoy your baby!
You might love a name I've chosen...or agree with me 100%. Either way, leave a comment and let me know...I love comments! Let me know what you think of the lists and the blog itself. Did you agree with the winner? Which was your favorite bad baby name? Have you had any real-life encounters with any of my bad name choices?
And above all else...enjoy!
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
BAD BABY NAMES 33: Mr. & Mrs. Salty are Proud to Announce...
What possibilities here for this child: he can become a goth and surround himself with snakes! He can become a drag queen, with a different colored feather boa for every night of the year!
I'm guessing the middle name here is Dam-Patricia.
I thought Qchristopher was a bad CR8IVE SPELLING...well, it IS a bad CRE8IVE SPELLING. But Ssamuel? I don't know whether to cry or sing a verse of "Sussidio"!
What list is complete without a REDNECK HALL OF SHAME name?
Somehow, I doubt this kid will be thanking her parents in ANY language for saddling her with this.
Oh, let me guess. His middle initial is "D," isn't it?
Wow...what a MOUTHFUL!
I just don't know what to say about this one. I'm actually rendered speechless.
I can't help but wonder...is her middle name Breezie? 'Cause, you know...she's like the wind?
I think they inhaled too much au jus.
THE SECOND RUNNER-UP:
When I first started this blog over a year ago, I predicted that the PSEUDO-ROYALTY names would be taking off like crazy in the years to come, each name becoming more and more ridiculous as time went by. I was wrong. It's the GLOBETROTTER names which have gained in popularity...and no city, no state, no tiny Carribean island is safe from the grasp of these atlas-swinging parents. Some I can see as being somewhat attractive names: Dallas, Brittney, Paris. But PHILADELPHIA? Oy vey.
THE FIRST RUNNER-UP:
Why did these parents decide on this name? Did someone make them an offer they couldn't refuse?
AND THE WINNER OF BAD BABY NAMES 33 IS.....
This is a cute name...if your parents are an elephant, or Mr. & Mrs. Salty. Otherwise, it goes down as one of the worst names in BAD BABY NAME history!
Feel free to comment....
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
BAD BABY NAMES! Fan Mail #16
I have a bad name for you:
Ephram Zenon Blue
This was reported in the Births section of my high school alumni magazine. Blue is the second middle name, not the last name. The latest edition of the alumni news included this name in the "Births" section. They gave the graduation year of the alumni parent but don't specify the baby's birthday. I assume it would be within the last year through.
BTW the school also graduated a Galaxy Craze (whose novel you can buy at Amazon) and Uma Thurman was also there but dropped out to go into showbiz.
Those are two BAD BABY NAMES! It's hard to put ol' Zenon in a category: the first name is REDNECK HALL OF SHAME, the middle is SCI-FI SYNDROME and the other middle name is just plain bad!
And speaking of SCI-FI SYNDROME names...Galaxy Craze has got to be one of the worst ones I've heard yet. It sounds like a video game or a pulp fiction book.
Thanks for reading!
Friday, December 02, 2005
BAD BABY NAMES! Fan Mail #15
I have one for you.
:) It's the little sister of someone I work with!
Anonymous from Houston
Dear Anonymous from Houston:
You've given both an APOSTROPHE ABUSE and a MOUTHFUL name, all in one! I wonder, what was the sister's name?
Thanks for reading!