Bad Baby Names!

Welcome to BAD BABY NAMES! All BAD BABY NAMES are actual, verified names from newspapers & online webnurseries from the US & Canada. So enjoy & be glad your parents didn't name you one of these doozies! Remember: all babies are beautiful gifts from God, all created equal...all baby names, however, are NOT.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

AN INTRODUCTION TO THE WORLD OF...BAD BABY NAMES!!!

(Note: this post first appeared on the original BAD BABY NAMES blog.)


Welcome, one and all! It is I, Angel, blogmaster of THE ZEN PRETZEL TRICK.

I've always been fascinated by baby names. When I first learn someone is pregnant, I always ask, "What are you naming the baby?"


There are tons of great baby names out there. But let's face it: there are some names that make you wonder, "What the hell were those parents thinking?!?!?" That's what this blog is devoted to: Bad Baby Names. The cre8ively spelled. The awful combinations. The just plain ridiculous. They all have a place here.

But first, a disclaimer.....

All babies are precious, beautiful and gifts from God. My posts here in no way reflect on the actual child themselves....only on their names. All babies are gorgeous, all deserving of love and all created equal...all baby names, however, are not. These names are bad by my opinion only----feel free to agree or disagree. Bad baby names, like beauty, are often in the eye of the beholder.


A Guide to BAD BABY NAMES:



For each entry, there are several runners-up, and then a third, second and first-place winner. Boys' names are in blue, girls' are in purple (I tried pink, but it's just too faint to be read easily).

Most BAD BABY NAMES can be broken down into one of the following categories, which you'll see me refer to often in orange:

CRE8IVE SPELLINGS
This is when a good name goes bad by horrible spelling. Or a bad name is made even worse!

APOSTROPHE ABUSE
Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's more than one...but whatever the number, is grammar abuse and must be stopped.

CAVIAR
These names are your high-brow, upwardly mobile names. If it sounds like a yuppie character from an 80's film, it's a CAVIAR name.

MERGER
A merger is when parents attempt to combine their names (or names of family members, friends, pets, whatever) to make a new name for the baby. This can go well---but usually ends in disaster.

THE ATTACK OF THE "Y"s
This is when a name takes on, for no apparent reason, numerous letter y's.

THE SCI-FI SYNDROME
These names aren't so much names, as they are supervillians or extra-terrestial diseases.

STAR-STRUCK
Star-struck names generally fall into two sub-categories: actual names of celebrities, or BAD BABY NAMES the celebrities have used for their own babies.

REDNECK HALL OF SHAME
These are names that invoke images of Brandine and Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel from The Simpsons....and we all suffer as a result.

OBJECTS OF DISAFFECTION
Now, many nouns have been used as good baby names for years: Rose, Pearl, that sort of thing. Objects of Disaffection are words that should never, ever be used as a baby name....Banjo, Turkey and Young come to mind.

HERO or LOSER COMPLEX
These are names that either give a child too much or not enough to live up to.

MOUTHFUL NAMES
These are names that are either impossible to pronounce, or simply so long that they look more like third-year med school vocabulary words than baby names.


STATUS SYMBOL
These are names that might as well scream "BLING"! Mercedes-Benz, Cadillac and Diamond Tiara are good examples of Status Symbol names.


PSEUDO-ROYALTY
These are names that are actually titles....Prince Michael Jackson, for example.


TIME WARP NAMES
These are names that harken back to the days of yore...whether it be the Sunshines and Rainbows of the 60's, the Judys and Millies of the 50's or the Jennifers and Michelles of the 80's....they each bring to mind a specific time period, other than the one we're currently residing in. They seem dated and old-fashioned...and thus BAD.

BABY MAC ATTACK NAMES
These are variations of the now ultra-trendy Mac/Mc names you see everywhere: McConnelly, Mackayleigha, Macennuh...all are examples of BABY MAC ATTACKS.


**Of course, there will always be names that don't quite fit into any of these categories...they are just plain awful all on their own.**


You might love a name I've chosen....or agree with me 100%. Either way, please....leave comments! Let me know what you think of the BAD BABY NAMES, and the blog itself. Did you agree with the winner? Which was your favorite bad name? Have you had any real-life encounters with any of my bad name choices?

And above all else...enjoy!



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