THE WORST BAD BABY NAMES OF 2005!

We've seen them all in 2005: silly, stupid, misspelled, misguided and downright unbelievable. And now, thanks to your votes, we have now tabulated the most unfortunate monikers in all of 2005.


The "winners" here were chosen by you, the readers, in our second annual Worst Bad Baby Names of the Year Poll, hosted by Mister Poll. All names (except FAN MAIL names, which were submitted by readers) are actual, verified baby names taken from webnurseries and newspapers during 2005 in the US and Canada. Celebrity BAD BABY NAMES come courtesy of Celebrity Baby Blog.


And now, a disclaimer: all babies are beautiful, precious gifts from God, all created equal. All baby names, however, are NOT.


Let the bad names begin!




CATEGORY: CELEBRITY BAD BABY NAMES


Celebrities are notorious for naming their kids unusual, bizarre and outright strange names (yes, Dweezil and Peaches, we're talking about you). 2005 was no exception.


In third place, with 9% of the vote, is PIRATE, son of Korn frontman Jonathan Davis. Arrgh!


In second place, with 17% of the vote, is MOXIE CRIMEFIGHTER, daughter of Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller fame.



And the winner of the WORST CELEBRITY BAD BABY NAME OF 2005, with 19% of the vote, IS...


GOD'ISS LOVE
daughter of Lil' Mo.


With names like Kal-El (Nicolas Cage's son), Alabama Luella (daughter of Blink 182's Travis Hoppus) and Praise Mary Ella (daughter of rapper DMX) to compete with, what made God'iss Love the "winner" in the eyes of the voters? Was it the blatant APOSTROPHE ABUSE? The CRE8IVE SPELLING? The blatantly bad case of HERO SYNDROME? Only the voters know for sure.




CATEGORY: APOSTROPHE ABUSE


2005 was a big year in the world of APOSTROPHE ABUSE. We saw such names as Chanze'es, Don'ta'ja, Syn'Cere and A'Majena. So what did it take to be the worst of the worst in this category? Let's find out, shall we?



~*~BOYS~*~


In third place, with 8% of the vote: Ta'Quwereus


In second place, with 9% of the vote: Day'quandray



And the WORST APOSTROPHE ABUSE (BOYS) OF 2005 IS....


Ja'sheem Day'twain Chris (15%)



~*~GIRLS~*~


In third place, with 9% of the vote: Ti-Leigh'yah


In second place, with 10% of the vote: JaKeil'a Ta-Shay



And the WORST APOSTROPHE ABUSE (GIRLS) OF 2005 IS...


D'aSiyahna R'yaire (14%)



CATEGORY: BABY GOTH


BABY GOTH names are making a splash these days, as more and more goths trade in their platforms for maternity fishnets. In third place, we have Pagan (9%). In second place, comes the very fantastic Dragon (10%). And the WINNER, with 11% of the vote, is ONYX REIGN. Do they sell black fingernail polish for babies?




CATEGORY: CRE8IVE SPELLINGS


We've all seen them, and we've all wondered WHY? WHY? WHY? These names made us wonder just a bit more than others. And the winners below had major competition: 2005 saw an influx of CRE8IVE names like Hiery, Devon Aire, Myrakle and AnA. Here are our "winners"!



~*~GIRLS~*~


THIRD PLACE: A TIE! Both with 7%: BreOhna and Klowie


SECOND PLACE: A THREE-WAY TIE! All with 8%: Ha-Ly, Serenitie Janette and Zenniphyr



AND THE WINNER, WITH 9% OF THE VOTE: Patients



~*~BOYS~*~


THIRD PLACE: Johnnyton, with 11% of the vote.


SECOND PLACE: Ssamuel, with 16% of the vote.



AND THE WINNER, WITH 19% OF THE VOTE: Iaexavier.




CATEGORY: FAN MAIL


Everyone knows someone in real life with a crazy or bizarre name. Maybe it's the kid you remember from grade school, the co-worker from your first job, or the child of a friend. Readers are encouraged to send us your real-life encounters with BAD NAMES in our FAN MAIL!



~*~GIRLS~*~


THIRD PLACE: Galaxy Craze (8%)


IN A TIE FOR SECOND PLACE: Dakota Zipporah Derryberry & Summersday Awna Patience (11%)


AND THE WINNER IS: Jzardenay Jzonquil (15%)



~*~BOYS~*~


THIRD PLACE: DeTaevious (12%)


SECOND PLACE: Skirmante (18%)



AND THE WINNER IS: ESPN (25%)




CATEGORY: GLOBETROTTER NAMES


If you can find it on a map these days...you can also find it on a birth certificate.


THIRD PLACE: Malaysia (16%)


SECOND PLACE: Montana Sierra Sioux (17%)



AND THE WINNER IS: Philadelphia (19%)

CATEGORY: MOUTHFUL NAMES


These are names that give you a double-take...and make you run for the "Hooked on Phonics: Bad Baby Names" edition!



~*~BOYS~*~



IN THIRD PLACE, WITH 16% OF THE VOTE: Aptickasic


IN SECOND PLACE, WITH 19%: Drevoughn Dondarius Marzell



AND THE WINNER IS: Ramiyahsuitofi (25%)



~*~GIRLS~*~


IN A TIE FOR THIRD PLACE, BOTH WITH 16% OF THE VOTE: Kevelin-Kahonkiaks & Keahiolalaewa


IN SECOND PLACE, WITH 19%: Deayahjanique



AND THE WINNER IS: Marekeiya Autiyunnah (19%)




CATEGORY: PSEUDO-ROYALTY


Blue-bloods are born with a title...and these kids are born with titles for names.


THIRD PLACE: Cae'zar (12%)


SECOND PLACE: Sire-Matthew (13%)



AND TIED FOR FIRST PLACE, BOTH WITH 15% OF THE VOTE: King Rickey & Princess Meadow Royalty


All hail the royal BAD BABY NAME King & Princess!




CATEGORY: REDNECK HALL OF SHAME!


Let us here git a load o'th' new un's in th' ol' Hall of Shame!



UP IN THIS HERE THIRD PLACE, WE'UNS GOT US: Jimmy Don (8%)


AND UP HERE IN THAT THAR SECOND PLACE, DONE UP AN' GOT US SOME: Sharlexia (9%)



AND TH' WINNER AN' UN-DEE-SPU-TED HALL O'SHAME CHAMPEEN: Jazznellie (14%)



CATEGORY: SCI-FI SYNDROME


When a name sounds like an obscure character from Star Trek or Star Wars, when a name looks like it belongs in a comic book and not a nursery...it's suffering from Sci-Fi Syndrome. We saw an influx of these names in 2005, with parents all choosing names like Lazer, Soren and Dax for their babies. Here's the worst:


THIRD PLACE: Zaynub (9%)


SECOND PLACE: K'Moni Amor (11%)



FIRST PLACE: Cu-Nu (16%)


I can't decide if that's A) a child of Star Trek's Sulu, B) a monster from Magic: The Gathering, or C) the opposite of Mork's na-noo, na-noo.




AND NOW, FOR THE CREME DE LA CREME OF NAMING DISASTERS...THE TOP TEN WORST BABY NAMES OF THE YEAR!



10) Hunter Grey Wolf

9) A TIE: Demokrat & Loveinna Hennessey-Alizay

8) Ahonesty Ny'kirra Amirr

7) A FIVE-WAY TIE! Bambi, Canari Marie, Fe, Odysseous Vidall & Iron David Carter

6) A TIE: PC & Lovejoat

5) Esq

4) A THREE-WAY TIE! Together, Ninja Maddox & Peanut

3) A TIE: La'Miracle Chasitie & Hallelujah

2) Wildnerness Sunshine Lynn-Nicole




AND THE GRAND PRIZE, THE WORST BAD BABY NAME OF 2005, GOES TO....



I'AM



Can you imagine this kid trying to introduce himself? "Hi, I'm I'am. No, really I'm I'am. I'AM! Oh, forget it!"

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And there you have it, folks: 2005's Worst Bad Baby Names!


I'd like to thank everyone who voted and everyone who read this little blog last year, as well as everyone who submitted bad baby names and fan mail.


A BIG thanks to Celebrity Baby Blog, who keeps me up-to-date on the latest Hollywood naming blunders.


And thank you to Mister Poll, for hosting the Worst Bad Baby Names poll for the second year in a row.



2006 is already shaping up to be a spectacular year for bad baby names....I can hardly wait for the next year-end poll!



---Zen Angel

FAN MAIL #23!

Dear Zen Angel:


Hey there!
Just entered your website for the first time, and I must say it's fab, I had a few good laughs at reading all these bizarre names. I come from Malta, a tiny island in the Mediterranean sea, and though we're a very little population, the names people come up with over here are just as hilarious. Well, not having exactly a nice, normal name myself, Ariane ( French - don't know why my mum chose it ), I tend to be more understanding, but mine at least is easier to pronounce. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that some unfortunate boy here was given the name QUINLIN, and that's about stupidest name I ever heard for a boy, had I not heard of the name CATHRIELLE for a boy too ( doesn't Elle mean 'she' in French, and on its own is quite a nice name for a girl ). Some dumb parent also named her little bundle of joy KIRSTEN, - a boy . Anyway, keep up the good work, and just wanted to tell you that although to you Americans the name Saviour seems really dumb, well, here in our island and also in Italy, it is quite a common name : translated into Maltese it's Salvu, and in Italian Salvo, both quite common in both countries. On official documents it appears as Saviour.
Really fab work, keep it up


Ariane

*********************



Dear Ariane:

Thanks for all the names! I am humbled to think I have fans (ok, a fan) in beautiful Malta.

Thanks for reading!


---Zen Angel

FAN MAIL! #22

Hello Zen Angel,

I just took the poll... wow, there were some hard choices on that one!

In my town there is a preschooler named Blessed Sun. There's also a boy named Basil, which seemed fine until his brother was born and given the name Kale. Heaven and Rain are so common here as to not be worth mentioning.

A friend of mine worked with a child named Thelastone (pronounced Thuh-LAST-un-ee) because the daughter was intended to be The-Last-One.

My office mate worked in a NICU and reported the following names:
(all from white mothers, BTW, in case we have any stereotypes about bad naming practices)
Tequila Sunrise (a teen mom)
Cannibus (another teen mom)
Harley Davidson (apparently there were several of these)
Page (pronounced Puh-JAY, thank you very much)
Muffy
Cash
Guess (What's your name? Guess. Tell me or I'll send you to the principle's office!)
Heavenly Hope
and my favorite... Meconium (because the Mom just thought it sounded pretty... eeewww!)

In my own work I've seen more variations on the spelling of Jasmine (Jazman, Jazzmine, etc.) than I care to think about.

Keep up the good work!

A fan in HippieVille, New England
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Dear Fan in HippieVille:


Those are some outrageous names! I think my favorite is Meconium. YIKES!


Thanks for reading!


---Zen Angel