Bad Baby Names!

Welcome to BAD BABY NAMES! All BAD BABY NAMES are actual, verified names from newspapers & online webnurseries from the US & Canada. So enjoy & be glad your parents didn't name you one of these doozies! Remember: all babies are beautiful gifts from God, all created equal...all baby names, however, are NOT.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

BAD BABY NAMES 8: How Do You Spell That Again???

(Note: this originally appeared on the old BAD BABY NAMES blog.)
BAD BABY NAMES 8


THE RUNNERS-UP:


Howell
"How did we get stuck on this uncharted desert island, Lovey?"

Prince Olisemeka
Another PSEUDO-ROYALTY name...and a MOUTHFUL middle name to boot!

Troi
I guess the parents thought Uhura would be too....silly. And besides, she was just a communications officer....Troi could read emotions! Way cool!

Blaiden
One of my least-favorite baby names is Cutter. I now wonder if this is what parents of a Cutter name baby #2.

Chevelle
Now, most STATUS SYMBOL names try to emulate expensive, sought-after-items: Chanel, Mercedes-Benz, Diamond. I can't explain wanting to name your kid after one of the worst cars since the invention of the Pinto.

Chy'na
Concieved, possibly, in Bey'zhing.

Prince-Ja'Lynn
Like the single sequined glove and leather jackets with way, WAY too many damned zippers, Michael Jackson has leashed yet another trendy, STAR STRUCK horror upon the world: the name Prince. The actual musician Prince (whose real name is Prince Rogers Nelson) must be so irritated.

Tesla
Either these parents were big fans of the inventor of the radio, or of the butt-rock 70's/80's band, and thus STAR STRUCK. I'm guessing it's the latter, which brings us to.....

Journey
Oh, Steve Perry, your band is a BAD BABY NAME, a BAD BABY NAME!
(sung to the tune of "Oh, Sherry")

Dynasty
I can't decide if these parents are STAR STRUCK or STATUS SYMBOL hounds. Maybe a bit of both? In any event, naming your kid after a bad 80's-era soap opera is not a great idea, folks. I take it their next child will be Knots Landing?

Chie'Landa Makyla
Oh....my....goodness.

Umaiza
Umaiza is amazing!

Jerleecia Dre'Shawna
Another for the REDNECK HALL OF SHAME! "Jerleecia, come in yonder and git yer flip-flops off the reclino-mite! Pa's tryin' to git a nap!"

Lavender
This is an interesting OBJECT OF DISAFFECTION. I guess they thought Rose and Ivy were getting to be a tad too trendy...or they are big fans of Harry Potter. I'd believe either one.

Lexus
Well, it's not Chevelle, so I guess it's a STATUS SYMBOL step up....but come on, people! Dream big! Go for a Lincoln or Ferrari!

Jeramya
Jeramya was a boolfrogg, was a good frynd of myne.....

Lightsey
They thought they'd never have a child, but then they saw the Lightsey at the end of the tunnel.....

A'Nilin
After she done lost one of her knee-highs, she had to go out with only one A'Nilin on....

Kentravion
Another SCI-FI name for you BAD BABY NAMES fans....This one sounds like a ritual from Alien Nation: "After we drink the spoiled milk, we engage in three days of Kentravion!"

Chesney Madison
STAR STRUCK for Kenny Chesney, are we?

Deverious
"And after the three days of Kentravion, we sing a song of thankfullness and thus enters the holy month of Deverious!"

Da'Drean
I done washed my weddin' ring down Da'Drean, Cletus!

Floyd-william
Never fear! Floyd-william'll git that ring fer ya, Brandine!

Achilles
I think the only Achilles' Heel this kid has is his name....

Apple-Rataevia
This is both a STAR STRUCK name (Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple earlier this year) and a MOUTHFUL name. And just plain unfortunate all the way around.

Joquacear
"Holy BAD BABY NAMES, Batman! The Joquacear!"

Sarenity
For the second entry in a row, I've found someone who took a baby name I used for one of my kids (Serenity) and completely ruined it by spelling it in an ass-backwards sort of way. Yikes, yikes, yikes.

Tahj-ana
Unable to afford to live in the Taj-Mahal, they moved into the lesser-known version, the Tahj-ana.

Hilton
This is probably one of the best examples of a STATUS SYMBOL name....you can't get much more posh than Hilton. Or else it's a STAR STRUCK name, which would be sad for the child, as you can't get much sluttier than Hilton.

Keyrje
If anyone has the foggiest clue as to how to pronounce this name, leave a comment. Because I fear I will be haunted by this until I know for sure.



FIRST RUNNER-UP:


Electris
There is so much wrong with this name, it's hard to know where to begin. I think I'm getting a migraine just contemplating it.


SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Young
Well, DUH. It's a baby, not Dick Cheney.


AND THE WINNER FOR BAD BABY NAMES 8 IS.....



Jay'Leiah Twy-emirah-n'Ava
On one of my baby names message boards, someone made the comment that this name looks as if a dictionary threw up some letters and random punctuation. I think that is a perfect way to describe this naming monstrosity. This is the ultimate MOUTHFUL name....with a little APOSTROPHE ABUSE sprinkled on top. OK, a LOT of APOSTROPHE ABUSE. In fact, this name should go on trial for the wanton, premeditated butchering of the English language. If nothing else, this name will end up in a courtroom someday....when little Jay'Leiah files for a legal name-change.



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