Bad Baby Names!

Welcome to BAD BABY NAMES! All BAD BABY NAMES are actual, verified names from newspapers & online webnurseries from the US & Canada. So enjoy & be glad your parents didn't name you one of these doozies! Remember: all babies are beautiful gifts from God, all created equal...all baby names, however, are NOT.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

BAD BABY NAMES 5: Interview with the Newborn

(Note: this was the first of the original BAD BABY NAMES entries from the old blog.)


BAD BABY NAMES 5



THE RUNNERS-UP:


Cyniaha Marie
Cyniaha? How on Earth is this pronounced? Is it sin-eye-ha, sin-ee-ha or sin-eye-a-ha?

Te' Asiah Shi'Nai
And once again we have a name that that puts unnecessary apostrophes in BOTH first and middle names. Why? Why? WHY?

Daniellyz Linda
Ok, I've gotta ask....how is the possessive form of this name going to be formed? "Daniellyz's bookbag is in her room." YIKES!

Sloemay Jonah
Every now and then, I come across a name that defies reason. Defies explanation. Sloemay is one of those names. Methinks Mom and Dad were partaking in a bit too much sloegin when deciding on Sloemay's name.

Jaylyne Renee
Almost as annoying as the unnecessary apostrophe trend is the over-use of the letter "y" trend. Jaylyne is Exhibit A.

Erneshia Atyia J'na
OK, let's set aside the fact that Erneshia is just awful. And that Atyia is hardly better. But what the hell is J'na????? Please, Vanna, can I buy a vowel?

Knyles Tyrese
Kynles and Phrasier met every morning for coffee at their local shop.....

Naizja Sade
I love Sade. Great singer, beautiful woman. And her name is something of a guilty pleasure for me (for those who aren't familiar with the term, a GP name is one you like but would never use). But Naizja? Blech.

Nashaly
What can I say about a name like Nashaly....

Zjolye Raye
This has been an entry for unpronouncable names. Is the "z" silent? Or is it "zah-jol-yee"? Or "Zah-joll-yeh"? The world may never know.

Blexx Athen
We're still laughing at this one over at BBN Central....

Torgeluis
At least this bad name comes with something of an explanation....the parents' names are listed: Torge and Maluise. They apparently tried to combine their names, in the hopes that the newly-formed name would be, like their blessed child, a union of their love and devotion. Instead....it sounds like something Bones would tell Kirk he contracted on Star Trek: "I'm sorry, Jim, but that Rigellian prostitute gave you a raging case of Torgeluis Simplex 93!"

Edge
I'm a big fan of U2. Don't get me wrong. But to go so far as naming a child Edge or Bono?
Let me see if I have this straight....this child is named after a woman with an intelligent slug in her abdomen and a necromancer who sold his soul to the devil. Wouldn't "Lucifer Earthworm" have been just as effective?

Waynelle Ayaka
This is another name for the REDNECK HALL OF SHAME. "Waynelle! Git in yonder now, before the Sizzlean gets cold!"

Riddeck Jacob
"Welcome to another exciting chapter of the Chronicles of Riddeck Jacob!"

Raider
Raider was welcomed home by his brothers: Steeler, Bengal and Dolphin.

Scottie
"Beam up a clean diaper, STAT, Scottie! I don't know how much more she'll hold, Captain!"

Itzayanna
Itzabird, Itzaplane....no, look! Itzayanna!

Kennetk
This sounds like a bad 80's-era Erector set rip-off....

Keragen Justine
When this baby cries, does she hold her knee and wail, "Why? Why? Why?"

Rocky Jaret
Yo, Rocky! You can do it, man!

Kimberly-Geraldin
Wow. Just....wow.


SECOND RUNNER-UP:


Vylet Skie
In BBN4, I noted that little Symphony Evanessance's parents were probably going through a bit of a goth phase. I think they are well aquainted with little Vylet Skie's family.


FIRST RUNNER-UP:


Gaggery
Oh...my....goodness. Or should I say, Gaggery me with a spoon?


AND THE WINNER FOR BAD BABY NAMES 5 IS....



DAMEON LESTAT
Rarely do I ever see a name that makes me think, "This name is going to stigmatize this child for life." That's because I rarely SEE a name that would stigmatize a child for life. But if ever a name would, Dameon Lestat is that name. Let's examine this name for a moment: Dameon, as in the evil little devil-possessed brat from the "Children of the Corn" movies; and Lestat, as in the Anne Rice vampire. So, in essence, this child's name means "Blood-sucking spawn of Satan."

But I'm sure it's meant in a nice way.

Feel free to leave comments........