BAD BABY NAMES 3: Oy Vey!

(Note: this post originally appeared on my blog THE ZEN PRETZEL TRICK.)


BAD BABY NAMES 3



THE RUNNERS-UP:



DETROY ALLEN

Little Detroy was welcomed home, no doubt, by big brother Chicagoy and big sister Philadelphioy.

GERMAN

Do I look French to you??? It's GERMAN, baby!

SUCARMEL MICHAEL

Because Suchocolate and Sucookie just sounded....silly.

LINDIEANNE MARIE

Someday, I am going to create a Bad Baby Names Redneck Hall of Fame. LindieAnne Marie is a shoo-in.

AU QOYONNA

And will there be an au pair for Au Qoyonna? And will the au pair take her sandwich with au jus while caring for Au Qoyonna? Also, doesn't "u" generally follow the letter "q'?

MARKAVIOUS

This sounds like an adverb, not a name....

Q'ZAVIER AHMAAD

I thought the recent influx of Xzavier was bad....but not even that comes close to the horrors of Q'Zavier! What were they thinking? Were they at a sci-fi convention and thought to themselves, "What if Q from Star Trek and Professor X from X-Men had a baby? Q'ZAVIER!"

SKYY LEE

Absolut? No, too masculine. Stolichanya? Too Russian. I've got it....SKYY!

SHAY'RAE SHARON

Shay'rae Sharon sells sea shells by the sea shore.....

MERIT ROCKWELL

Anyone else remember 80's one-hit wonder Rockwell? My guess is, little Merit's parents do.

MAVERICK SKYE
Maverick is the name of my tattoo artist....although I am assuming it's a NICKNAME. It's also, really, way too masculine to be used on a girl. And way too corny to be used on a human.

DEJA-MARIE

And her brother, Deja-Vu....

ESSENCE I'MON

I don't get the apostrophe thing. I really don't. What does it add to a name, really? No offense to those who love it, but I think it looks ridiculous. And I'Mon is no exception. Now, I like the model Iman (and any woman who can land David Bowie deserves applause), but I don't particularly care for the name. And Essence? Isn't that a magazine? Was the mother of this child naming a baby, or a perfume?

TEIN JAMARION

I have no idea how this name is supposed to be pronounced. Is it "teen"? Or is it like Tyne Daly? Or is it "tee-ann"? It's anyone's guess.

NAVYHA COLE

I'm wondering if this is a cre8ive spelling of that monstrosity of girl baby names, Nevaeh. If so....well, I was obviously wrong when I said the name couldn't get any worse.....

SHYANN

Shyann was such a wallflower...she just couldn't get up the nerve to talk to anyone, poor thing.....

CORINTHIAN

I keep hearing those old Ricardo Montalban commercials, "Feel the fine Corinthian leather...."

CCAMRYN

I kept hoping this was a typo.....

KEAYRA

Although I wouldn't use it, I've always thought the name Keira/Kiera was quite pretty. But spelled like this? keAyra? Oh my goodness. First of all, proper names should be capitalized...with the FIRST letter in the name. Talk about just ruining a very pretty name by trying to be cre8ive!

KYNNEDI LONDON
I'm not a fan of the name Kennedy. It always reminds me of the ultra-annoying MTV VJ (yes, I'm showing my age). But not only is the name horribly, horribly misspelled here...but when you put the first and last names together, it sounds like a travel agent's itinerary, not a little girl. I just hope their last name isn't Heathrow.....


SECOND RUNNER-UP:



SKYLARK MACHENZIE
Mackenzie is also another name I just plain don't like. I'm not a fan of any of the very trendy "Mac/Mc" names. But for the love of Pete, if you're going to use it, spell it right. The way this is spelled makes it look as if it's pronounced "maken zee" instead of "mak en zee." But it's the first name that makes this whopper our second runner-up. Come on....NO ONE likes Buicks that much....and certainly, no one liked the Skylark that much. It makes me wonder what they'd have named her had she been a boy. Pinto? Yugo? Dart?


FIRST RUNNER-UP:



MARTAEVION NAM-ER
I don't even know where to begin with this name. I'm just beside myself. I think I need to lie down.



AND OUR WINNER FOR BBN#3 IS......




SCHLOK


I've heard a lot of bad baby names....a LOT of them. But this one takes the cake. SCHLOK? Oy vey. If the mother's name isn't Schmuck...it ought to be.

Thus concludes this edition of BAD BABY NAMES. Feel free to leave comments....and thank your mom for not naming you after a vodka or a bad car.