Bad Baby Names!

Welcome to BAD BABY NAMES! All BAD BABY NAMES are actual, verified names from newspapers & online webnurseries from the US & Canada. So enjoy & be glad your parents didn't name you one of these doozies! Remember: all babies are beautiful gifts from God, all created equal...all baby names, however, are NOT.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

BAD BABY NAMES 4: Princess Who???

(Note: this is the last of the original BAD BABY NAMES posts that appeared on THE ZEN PRETZEL TRICK.)



Chanel Mari
And her brother, Versace Johnni.
Perhaps even more annoying then the for-no-apparent-reason apostrophe trend is the for-no-apparent-reason capitalization one.

Daphanie Faye
What was this? They couldn't decide between Daphne and Stephanie, so they combined the two???

This sounds like the villian in a Dungeons & Dragons game....."Watch out, Sir Druid! Terranasia has hit you with 30 attack points!"

"I, Exabien the Half-Elf wizard-mage, attack Terranasia with my Sword of Truth! You now have only 10 life points left! I rock!" not only is this child named after an ancient Egyptian goddess...the name is horribly, horribly misspelled. Have I mentioned how much I hate cre8ive spellings?

A'Laysya La'Shay
Not only has this name committed the atrocious crime of having the for-no-apparent-reason apostrophes in BOTH the first and middle has also committed the equally atrocious crime of cre8ive spelling! Yikes!

Allure Christian
"Why did you become a Christian?" "I could not resist the Allure...."

Oh, for crying out loud.....

Dhrti Laxmi
I get the impression that this is an ethnic name, which I usually like. Ethnic names can connect a child to their heritage. But Dhrti? I can just hear the playground taunts now: "Crusty, nasty, Dhrti Laxmi!"

Genesis Kanawai Josiah
Either these parents just love the first book of the Bible, or they just love Phil Collins but didn't think his name was cool enough. One or the other.

Michaelangelo Rudy
OK, let's examine this one for a moment.....this kid is now, effectively, named after an Italian painter and a Notre Dame football player. That is one hell of a juxtaposition.
"Well, we liked Jacob, but it's just so....common. So one night, over shish kabobs, it came to us....."

Martha-Mae Yako Balassa
Another one for the BAD BABY NAMES REDNECK HALL OF SHAME...Martha-Mae!

Yazemean Nantashia
This has GOT to be one of the WORST CRE8IVE SPELLINGS ever. It's truly, truly unfortunate.
Mariayma is hard at work on her Novella.....

Brick Austen
"Austen's a! He's mighty mighty...."

Destiney Rae-Lynne
I take it back...Martha-Mae is not so bad after all....

A'Magine Aveion
A'Magine there's no cre8ive names, I wonder if you can, no Aveions to ponder or legal name-changes to plan.....
Now, I am Cherokee. I am proud of Sequoyah. But I am puzzled by this cre8ive the "j" silent? Or is it seh-coy-jah?

Nah'zae Ellae
Not only is this name cursed with the unnecessary apostrophe that is blighting the baby nurseries like a swarm of badly-placed and grammatically-incorrect locusts, but this is a name that will forever be Nazi. Not a good thing to saddle a child with.


If anyone has the foggiest clue how this is supposed to be pronounced....speak now, or forever hold your z's.


Symphony Evanessance
Let me and dad are going through a goth phase, right?



Where to start, where to start....Well, first of all....every parent thinks their darling baby girl is their little princess. Very few actually go so far as to NAME them "Princess." And there's a good reason for's an extremely silly name. If Michael Jackson is doing it...and in this case, "doing it" means giving your children first names that are actually royal titles...that should automatically mean it's too weird for you. WAY too weird for you. And what's with "Ty Awna"? Isn't Ty generally a boy's name? Did they really want Tyawana, or TyAwna, or Ty'Awna, or something equally hideous, and decided to break with the trendy styles and simply put a space between the syllables? Well, at least she has Louise to fall back on...that name is simply outdated, not ridiculous. It could have been could've been spelled Lew'Eaze.

Feel free to comment.....


  • At 2:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OK guys... get this: Va'Shaundia.

    Now, not only is this the name of a grade school classmate of mine, but the girl grew up to be Mrs. Shaquille (there's another doozy) O'Neill! THANKFULLY, she goes by "Shauny". She's kind of a pseudo-celebrity now. Va'Shaundia!! Can you believe that one?


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