Fan Mail #32

Dear Zen Angel:

I just LOVE your site. I read every update, and each time I read one I am torn between laughing, crying and throwing chairs throught windows at the idiocy of some parents. It's no darn wonder kids are supposed to be so screwed up, if they have parents who think some of those names are cute.

Here's a few names for you, culled from birth announcements and found on the Behind the Name bessage boards.

Jezebella Amor (My comment, when I saw that one, was "Does she work in one of those legal whorehouses in Nevada?")
Race Shane
Stone Eric
Heaven Dust: This one really made me mad. Sounds like the parents were on angel dust. Or else liked the band or the lawn product Sevendust.
Frankie Billy Bam-Bam: I wish I was making it all up but I'm not. Some poor kid actually got saddled with it. "All rise for Judge Frankie Billy Bam-Bam McAllister." Nope, I can't see it either.

ANd here's a few names I found in perusing true-crime and missing-persons websites. (I know it's morbid and heartless, but those places are GOLD MINES for bad names.)

Starvetta Monique
Misty Blu
My Little Darling (a young woman with mental health issues who ran off. Gee, I wonder why?)
Love Life Georgia Belle: on a list of people who died at Jonestown. If she went by just Love, it's even worse because her surname was Lowe.
Chica and Little One: a pair of Branch Davidian twins. Very funny once you realize that Chica, in Spanish means, Little Girl. Little Girl and Little One. Some gender confusion there? Other BD people were named Hollywood, Startle and Serenity Sea, which sounds like a feminine hygiene product you can wear while swimming in the ocean.
Adymn: supposed to be Adam, I guess.
Khymbrly: Vanna, can I buy a vowel? Or two?
Malice: This guy was named Malice Green and became famous after he was beaten to death by two Detroit cops as he resisted arrest. He had a rap sheet a mile and a half long. How surprising, who would think a Malice would ever cause trouble?
Sweet Jessica
Angelnetta
Jakeob: So we'll be SURE to know how to say it? Like this: Jayk-ee-ob?
A judge named William Justice. Elevated to the high court so now he was Justice Justice. I am not making this up.
Sea-Nial. As in senile.
Destiny Dyamond Rose
Jeravious
Dontaneous: last name should have been Dombustion.

And read about a porn star whose stage name is Ava Vincent. Her birth name is Jewelliette. Looks to me like she had the right name at the start and didn't need to go changing it.
Oh and I grew up in Oklahoma and there knew people called Dantz Hall, Velvet Couch, and Waco Joe Diffendaffer. Also,a prominent Oklahoma attorney whose name is often in the news is Larry Derryberry.

You keep up the great work, we need sites like yours.

Sign me,
Starla Roxanne
(Yes, I know Starla is a redneck/stripper name, I've heard it all before. To make it worse, my mother chose Roxanne after the Police song. About the guy trying to persuade his prostitute girlfriend to become an honest woman with him.)
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Dear Starla Roxanne,

What a treasure trove of bad names you've emailed me! Many thanks...and groans!

Thanks for reading!


---Zen Angel